Readers' Emails Bulletin Board

Xee Vang
A ppleton, USA - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 09:32:15 (PDT)

Hi Neeg, I would like to respond to the lady who emailed you that she wold allow her husband to have a second wife, infact she stated that she would encouraged her husband to have a second wife. Is she crazy???? I would say that a majority of us, maybe 99.9%, would never want our husband to have another person in his life. She has very poor reasons to want her husband to have another wife. I think she really is against the idea of her husband having a second wife. She doesn't understand that having a second wife changes everything. There are some advantages to having a second wife, however, I think that the disadvantages would outweigh the advantages. Please don't understand me wrong because I am not for or against the idea of having more than one wife but if I was presented with the situation, I would rather have my husband for myself. She stated that if her husband goes away, she and the other wife would be home so they wouldn't be afraid of staying home alone. How can that be? Is that really a legitimate reason why she wants her husband to have another wife? She also stated that the second wife's children might love her more than her own. Well, does she understand that whether your child loves you or not is the way that you raise them. Obviously, if your child doesn't show you any affectionate and doesn't care for you, then you have a real problem that you must correct. One suggestion I have for her is to rethink about her statement. When she gives good and legitimate reasons that we should encourage our husbands to have another wife, please let me know. Xee

Subject: Poj niam hmoob yeej txaus siab los leej twg yuam nws ua niam yau?
From: Mai...<suabnkaujhmoob@yahoo.com> Add
Date: Thu, April 24, 2003 10:29 am
To: neeg@neeg.org
Priority: Normal

Nyob zoo os neeg, kuv lub npe hu ua Mai Kub xeem ... kuv muaj 19 xyoo kuv kawm ntawv nyob rau university of California.Hais txog qhov ua niam yau ntawd xws li kuv tau interviw kuv pog,kuv niam thiab ntau,ntau tus poj niam laus lub neej ntuj qub qab 20% yog quab yuam 80% yog yeej txaus siab ua niam yau.Lub hom phiaj txaus siab ua niam yau ntawd yog ab tsi ? vim nws muaj ntau qhov good reason xws li txiv nom, txiv txawj ntse , lub neej muaj nyiaj thiab kev tus txiv ntawd nws txawj hlub dua li lwm tus thiab lwm yam uas teev tsis tag. Hais txog cov nyob America yeej tsis muaj leej twg yuam yeej yog 100% txaus siab.Kuv ho yuav piav xws li kuv pom kuv txaus siab yuav txhawb nqa txoj kev muaj niam loj niam yau no thiab vim kuv pom tau qhov zoo xws li nram qab no luag tej laus yeej ib txwm piv txoj lug hais tias ntau tus taws thiaj ua mov siav hos yog 2 tug taws xwb yeej ua mov tsis siav no kuv xav tias yeej muaj tseeb, yog kuv muaj lub neej hnub twg kuv yeej txaus siab rau kuv tus txiv muaj dua ib tug ntxiv thiab nyob ua ke ib tse, pw ua ke ib txag yog thaum twg tus txiv tawm rooj mus ua qhua deb lawm yus ob tug niam loj, niam yau kuj muaj kev sib hlub, sib pab thiab kuj yuav tsis ntshai dab poj ntxoog tsis tas li ntawd xwb tej zaum niam yau cov me nyuam ho yog cov tsim txiaj thiab ho yuav hlub tau yus rau yav laus los yog yus cov ho tsim txiaj ho hlub tau niam yau rau yav laus thiab qhov no kuj yog ib qho zoo. ua tsaug rau koj lub caij os neeg.

(NEEG hem koj. Txhob hais koj kam ua niam yau ib pliag Hmoob sib huas koj nawb mog, nkauj Hmoob)

Subject: Polygamy
From: "Victor N. Xiong" <xiongvn@milwaukee.k12.wi.us> Add
Date: Tue, March 18, 2003 10:57 am
To: neeg@neeg.org
Priority: Normal

Neeg, Please post. I already asked you to post this topic once,
but that version was in English. This time, I do it in Hmong.

Thank you.
Kev muaj coob tug quas puj

Kev muaj coob tug nam yeej tsi phem, tuab sis kev xaav ntawm tuab
neeg yeej tsi sis thooj. Qee zag sis caav txug tej yaam nuav tsi muaj
chaw xaus vim tas kev xaav sis txawv ua rua qee leej tuab neeg tsi
nyoo txu nwg lub fwj chim hab tsi nyoo ua tug swb txawm yog tas feem
coob tsi xaav le nwg. Tuab sis txawm le caag los kev ua neej nyob
qaab ntuj, peb yeej tsi xaav tuab yaam ib zag le. Tsuas yog peb pum
zoo raws tswv yim xib. Ua ke nua los tuab neeg tug cwj pwm sis txawv
heev. Ob kwv tij thooj naab koom seev los tub tsi coj ib yaam. Yog le
ib haiv saib ib haiv mas yeej pum kev sis txawv meej heev. Ces ib
txha ca le thuaj raws le luas saib saab nrau tuaj yaam tsi xaav tas
yaam txawv ntawd tsi zoo rua yug kuas tub zoo heev rua luas. Kev
thuaj saab nrau tuaj le has nua lu lug Asmesliskas has tas
ethnocentrism, txhais tas yug saib yug le muaj nqe hab tseem ceeb xib.

Kuv has le nuav tsi txhais tas yog kuv nyam los txhawb kev muaj coob
tug quas puj. Kuv yeej pum dlua lug lawm tas qee khub ntxij nkawm,
muaj ob peb tug nam, tseem ua neej zoo tshaaj coob tug cov ib leeg
nam ib leeg txiv. Ua ke nua los, coob khub txij nkawm, muaj coob tug
nam, mas yeej sis caav sis tshe, qee zag ntuj teb taag mo los sis
tshe ua vaaj ua vwg. Kuv yeej meem txom kawg, tuab sis tej kev sis
tshe ntawd yog kev sis khib xib. Qee zag, kev sis khib kuj caab kev
npau tawg moog txug theem puab sis ntaus sis nrig le, kuas kuv tsi
tau muaj dlua nam hlub nam yau; kuv tsi paub qhov tseeb, vim tas leej
twg tsi tau taug txuj kev ntawd, yeej tsi paub qhov tseeb. Yog tas
yog kev sis khib xib, ncu ntsoov tas thaus ib tug tsi khib ib tug le
lawd, lub neej ze qhov xaus lawm, txawm yog txij nkawm nam ib leeg
txiv ib leeg los tuab yaam. Yog tseem khib ces ha tseem hlub.

Vim le caag ib txha ho moog ua luas nam yau? Feem coob cov kws moog ua luas nam yau yog cov ntsib kev txom nyem txaus lawm, xum moog ua luas nam yau, es tsuav yug muaj tsw xib, tsi xum taug txuj kev txom nyem ntawd ntxiv lawm. Txuj kev txom nyem yog dlaab tsi? Qhov nuav peb saib phaab ntawm txiv neej ua ntej. Coob tug txiv neej mas pum ib tug quas puj lub cev puv npo, ndlaug leeg, has lug luag txhi, saib phaab twg tuaj los txaus sab mas puab yeej txaav moog vij vog le. Tug kws xaav moog chwv kag los muaj; tug xaav moog tuav kag los muaj. Ncauj mas lab vog txhua phaab tuaj le. Yog tau ib nyuas chwv hab mas tub khaav tas kuv tau chwv lawm, mas nyem luag ua vwm quas leg rua ub rua nua, tsi ncu txaaj muag le. Xaav nawb, yog kuv yog ib tug quas puj es, tawm rooj plawg, es muaj tug ub tug nua tuaj ua vaaj ua vwg rua kuv, kuv rov saib kuv tug kheej tsi tsim txaj vim kuv tawm rooj
tsi yog yuav moog cuab phaj rua txhua tug. Kuv tawm rooj tuab yaam le
lwm tug tuab neeg xib. Thaus zoo le ntawd lawd, yog muaj tug yuav kuv
ces, txawm ua nam yau los kuv xum moog yuav. Yug muaj tsw luas saib taug. Phaab quas puj tuaj, ces ca cov quas puj teb, ha ncaaj rua puab.

Yeej tsim nyog kawg nkaus kws peb yuav tau xyum lwm haiv neeg tej cwj pwm txhim khu peb lub neej rua yaav peg suab, tuab sis yuav kuas peb ua txhua yaam le lwm haiv, peb yeej ua tsi tau. Peb yuav tau lug leeg tas peb yog Moob, peb muaj peb cwj pwm, peb muaj peb kev sis poo, sis txoj sis law, hab caaj ceg. Yaam peb ua raws Moob ib txhis muaj yeej tsi txhum leej twg. Yog yaam ntawv tsi txhum Moob cai lawd, caag ho yuav moog txhum lwm haiv le cai? Thaus u Moob txuj cai yeej qheb kev lawm, Moob ha ua.

Kev muaj nam hlub nam yau tsi yog txhua tug txiv neej Moob muaj. Yog
le thov qhuas cov txiv neej kws txaus sab coj cov quas puj tau kev
txom nyem moog hlub, hab thov qhuas cov quas puj kws txaus sab moog koom lwm tug tug quas yawg es tau moog nyoo luas. Thov qhuas txug cov nam hlub es ua taug sab luj ca puab cov quas yawg coj lwm tug lug koom yug lub neej. Mej ha yog cov qha tau rua peb txug kev sis yoog ua neej. Thov qhuas mej kawg nkaus.

Ua tsaug.

Victor N. Xiong

Subject: Reaction to Polygamy
From: "Victor N. Xiong" <xiongvn@milwaukee.k12.wi.us> Add
Date: Tue, February 18, 2003 9:09 am
To: snyu@neeg.org
Priority: Normal
Polygamy in the Hmong society, like polyandry in certain societies,
can be compared to a door that can be opened and/or closed for those who choose to open or close it. It is neither a mandatory aspect of life for all nor a regulation that everybody has to follow or obey,
but only a choice for the few who, I may say, cannot live without it.
It can be destructive and/or constructive, happy or unhappy, depending on the situations and needs of the two marriage partners.
If they do it for the purposes of love, care, nurture, and share,
their lives may be as smooth as everybody else, or in certain cases
better than many.

To say this does not necessarily mean that I like or support
polygamy/bigamy or intend to become one down the line. In real life,
even if I oppose today, I may propose tomorrow; I may be against it
today and may be for it tomorrow, depending on what the issue is.
Bigamy/polygamy may be a sensitive issue to many but not to others,
and I am one among those who do not consider it a hot issue. I can
see that it is less and less practical in our communities today. It
may die by itself because both men and women tend to gradually step
away from it. There may be no need for us to kill it or to bring it
out to the surface to show the world that it is bad. Remember,
polygamy/bigamy is practiced all over the world, not just the Hmong.
Arguing about it does not mean that it will be eliminated, but
instead it may emerge to be a social division. Do I fear that
division? No, but I see no necessity that we have to bring it up. I
am sure many fellow Hmong will not like my opinion, or may even
consider me a bigamist, but my argument is that many members of my
generation or younger may only react to certain situations that they
see from time to time, but they may not look deep enough to see the
real love and passion of marriage partners. Two marriage partners,
polygamists or non-polygamists alike, may get mad at each other to
the degrees that they refuse to eat at the same table for days, but
to separate them may have to do with going over their dead bodies. I
say so because I look at love more important than saying that it is a
violation of someone's rights. Indeed, all women have the rights to
refuse to be the second or third wives of any man. If one does not
refuse, then it is her choice. Why do we have to oppose her for what
she believes will settle down her life?

In the case of Minnesota or any Hmong community in the United States, a respected Hmong woman will not end up being one of the marriage partners of a man if she still sees opportunities or still sees that there are single men out there who would cross her path. We, men and women, are not stupid. We are in a society that exposes us to so many things, good and bad alike, and we are at a phase of life that we never have been before. Most Hmong men and women have climbed so high in the air that we can see a circular horizon around us as far as we can see. That circle has millions of good and bad ingredients within it. We all see such ingredients and sort them out by categories based on our personal ability. With all of the mentioned knowledge, if anyone still practices life of the sixties, he/she may be one who does not and cannot see many parts of the circle or may be one who is less advanced. In addition, when an advanced individual becomes stupid enough to do something that is against the will of many, it means that it is the only available source or chance of a lifetime.
In America, most productive or hard working Hmong men and women see education, personal economy, and social and cultural adjustments more important than having multiple spouses. Many if not most of such men and women will spend time in school, at work, or other business that will lighten their lives rather than darken it. The few who choose to fool around and finally fall into the polygamy/bigamy pool may be those who see themselves as less productive members of society, or those who see romance more important than anything else. In such cases, nobody can stop them or should interfere their lives.

Thank you.

Victor N. Xiong.